I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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