My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
