You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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