before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
