Kiss
Puke
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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