He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm eating all of the evidence.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
