I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
