So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
