You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
