I just made out with a guy for $7.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
