sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
