I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
