did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Im part way to drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
