p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
