Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
