So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
