this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
