hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I died a long time ago.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
