Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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