Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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