His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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