Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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