i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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