Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
