Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
