Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
