Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
