Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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