You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
