I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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