Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
