you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
