It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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