What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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