I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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