Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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