I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize