My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
