Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
