oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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