I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
