whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
