Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
