I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
