so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
