Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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