I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
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If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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