I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
