I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
