I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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