Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
