Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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