make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
this is an emotional support booty call
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
