and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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