Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
