she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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