So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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