When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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