Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
