Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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