I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He has the fingertips of a God
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