Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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