Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
