i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
