Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
