I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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