Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
one might say we're banned from that church
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
