Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
