I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
