thus making me awesome and them whores
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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