You really coming over, don't trick.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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