Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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