I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
