If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
