So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
