My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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