Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
