well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
