...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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