Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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